Not sure if my post title would apply exactly to my thoughts at the moment, but it's better than saying, "'Pet Peeve of the Day #2' or 'Rants'", ya know? Though this post isn't sunshine and rainbows either.
I'm spending a good half an hour today writing this so that I can look back at times when I come to a similar problem. With that said, I may not explain to meticulous detail what my academic situation is, but all I can say is that out of my three options I had to create to cater to a particular jamboree, my least favourite has still remained the favored one by (ultimately) the person of greater authority. Now, I'm not the most compliant person on earth, and in fact, if you knew me really well personally, you would probably say the least compliant you have met in your lifetime.
So all this time, I've been stuck on the mindset that, the projects I make at school this year, they're going to be my own. 100% my own. It's not to say that my least favorite option wasn't my own. It was, but I guess I never felt that way because the catalyst of such idea was the requirement of a visual component that I disliked very much. This is where one of the shifts of perspective and attitude should be made.
I'll admit, the day I had to hand in my three posters wasn't the greatest day. Awkward/bad morning aside, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of work looming ahead/ in my brain, especially when, even after the three posters were handed in and I thought it was some weight lifted off my shoulders, it wasn't. I understand that design and art in general is a never ending process, but in times where the academic lifestyle feels like a constant bombardment deteriorating the remains of what you call a life outside school, you kind of wish that process comes to an end. And the confidence I had in what I wanted to carry forward to apply to my next projects, seem to have disappeared that day.
It doesn't help that there were conflicts of interest. Some people would say to "stick to what I want, because by the end of the day, these are my projects, and I shouldn't have to make way for others," and some people would say to "kiss up for marks" quite simply put.
While I was walking to my local library today, I remembered certain things I had heard from the alumni of my program say during that Reconnect Event at my university. "Don't always show your 9-5 work, show also your 5-9 work, because that's where your true creativity lies." I've been so caught up with the idea that the poster, the ticket, the program created for this class, has to be in my portfolio this year, that I never really thought of the possibility of it not being so. You know, by the end of the day, if I'm truly not happy with what I have, I don't have to include it there. Yes, it may seem like a total waste of time, but when I think about it from a holistic perspective, it's not. Maybe, by the end of this semester, I may ending up "kissing ass" despite my history of rebellious and not wanting to, but maybe it's not a bad thing entirely. Like my mom said, if I manage to thoroughly make even my least favorite option into something that looks good, then you know you've come a long way. And as for my favorite idea? I guess I could do that as a side option. It could be "poster, ticket and program, part 2", a personal project/experimental growth. It could be that, if I do choose to put my least favorite option in the portfolio, I can also add this part in there as well, and tell the interviewer my situation and my learning experience. In a way, I have to change my perception of where 5-9 and 9-5 really lies. Some people see that school is the 5-9, but when you have a prof that marks it, it kinda isn't.
And this is where my paradox portion of the title starts. This actually doesn't apply to this one class in particular; it applies to any project that requires you to make something for a "target audience". If you have to make a project for a certain demographic group, but you're marked by someone who is not in that category, it kind of defeats the whole purpose of that requirement. Especially if that person fails to place themselves in that audience's shoes. Let's face it. If you're a young individual of today, you would never know exactly the thoughts and interpretations one would make if they're from the 1800's. Same goes for age differences. Some youthful adults may understand, but the majority of adults don't understand a kid's mindset/preferences in the popular culture that surrounds them. So even if, at the beginning, there seemed to be freedom to choose whatever, there really isn't, because that individual who marks the work would still be set by their biases and misunderstanding. If that's the case, why even bother giving freedom artistically?
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